i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
