420 ftw
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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