I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
