Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
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