I don't think brook has ever known best
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Randomize
