haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize