Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
