Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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