I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
