You just made me feel so damn special
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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