NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
