Sry I called you an 8
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
