just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
