just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No I am not eating basil off your cock
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Randomize
