Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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