i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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