I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
