Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize