So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
