Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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