How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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