yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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