Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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