I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
