I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
