put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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