break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
