We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
