The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I have peed in a lot of sinks
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
