lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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