i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
