Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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