I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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