I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
