So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
