at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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