my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize