i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize