we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
