yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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