I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
