but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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