my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
