i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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