Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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