I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
