They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
