BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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