I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
