DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
