Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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