new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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