btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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