I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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