I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
