Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
