you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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