Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
