if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
