My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
