Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
