ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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