He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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