I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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