First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
