I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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