Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
