oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
i black out too much to be "responsible"
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