I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
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