I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
