She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
