why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize