I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
