Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
